I’ve always held a certain aversion (in varying levels) towards the whole “gay community/scene/thing” or whatever combination of words is possible to describe this subculture.
I’ve never understood why certain things have come to be accepted as some sort of “universal truth” or rather, the norm. If you don’t subscribe to this method of ‘thinking’ (if it can be called that, since most just follow everyone else), then you’re seen as something so bizarre that you must be wrong. For example: the whole idea of a ‘relationship’ is so flimsy and shallow that it’s no surprise a lot of gay couples break up. The way it goes is that you meet a stranger and you either a) have a sexual encounter with them that very day/night (then try to base a relationship off that) or b) you go out on a few ‘dates’, see them say 4 times, possibly engage in some sexual contact, and voila you’re in a relationship without actually knowing who this person really is.
I know this type of mentality also exists amongst heterosexuals, so it is an issue about the culture of a nation, however I think it’s more pronounced in the “gay community” and even advocated for. What ever happened to getting to know someone as a friend? Actually see whether the two of you are compatible? Why rush into everything and then wonder what went wrong when it ends badly? Someone give me a good reason why you shouldn’t start off as friends, get to know that person, see whether the two of you are compatible, then take it from there?
Another thing I hate is the general stereotype of a gay male, where they’re assumed to be these flimsy, bitchy guys who have a “fashion sense” and go about with a limp wrist yet during the night they’ll sleep with the first stranger that comes their way. The sad thing is that this stereotype is very much true, perhaps not on the whole, but parts of it describe a lot of gay men out there, especially the part where they’re more than willing to engage in a sexual contact with a stranger. And this is more than evident on any dating website, as well as in any bar/club. But if someone comes along and says the unthinkable “I’m actually not interested in casual sex, I have a moral code and value system” then it’s something to smirk at. I hate how this is the norm, that gay men engage in “hook-ups” then try to base a relationship off a random encounter.
Case in point: about a month ago I was out with two friends (who are gay, and I’ve talked about them in another of my posts), and one of them wanted to go to this gay bar that he claimed had never been to, so after some nagging on his part and my reluctance, we ended up going there. I realised that it catered to an older clientele, had something of a relaxed atmosphere, but it wasn’t my type of place. What annoyed me though was this little man prancing about giving out condoms and he comes up to me and tries to force one into my hand, I politely declined and his response was “So you’re going to have unprotected sex tonight?” and my response was “No, I won’t be having any sex tonight” then “But what if you hook-up tonight?” and I finally said “No, I’m afraid I don’t do ‘hook-ups’ ” and he was on his way with a confused look.
I mentioned dating websites: as much as I dislike them, it’s about the only way possible to meet other men who happen to share the same attraction as you. I’ve somewhat ‘given up’ on them though, when there’s only so much garbage that one can sift through, and when you think that you have come across someone of substance, it doesn’t turn out to be so. So I figured: either I change my profile, take out the part about having morals/values, no hook-ups, etc, and see where that goes or I just give up on the dating sites completely. Why should I have to accommodate for others though? Why should I have to change who I present myself to be online, as who I really am in real life, just so that someone might message me, or respond, only to have either of us lose interest down the track? Case in point: I’ve had older men (40+) message me, commending me for what I have written, saying how they wish they knew that at my age, than those of my generation. Now I don’t know if that was some ploy on their part, but even if it was, I think that there is an element of truth to their comments.
I used to actively seek other guys around my age who shared my views (this was in my mid to late teenage years) but what I found was that the more I tried to find someone even remotely like me, the more disappointed I ended up being. It would be nice to be able to have an intellectual type of conversation with someone, and whilst their sexuality doesn’t matter, it would still be good to have someone who could identify with you completely. Either my city/state just sucks, or all the decent guys have had enough like me.
Another thing I hate is the whole “gay pride parades” that are just an excuse for some outdoor party where you can be who ‘you really are’, whether it’s wearing next to nothing, leading people around in dog collars, or whatever other disgusting acts these people manage to conjour up. You can make an argument that perhaps such parades were ‘necessary’ at one point in time, however their primary motive has been distorted and perversed into something that resembles an R-rated movie out in public. I know that not all such parades are something obscene, however it’s the obscene ones that get all the attention and I’d wager to say that such parades add to the general negative sentiment against homosexuals, and worst of all, they add to the repression many younger people put upon themselves when questioning their sexuality. I know I did but I wonder how many never got out of that thought pattern.
I remember when the Sydney Mardi Gras (as it’s called) was being aired on TV, some years ago, when I was a teenager, and I wanted to see what it was all about. All I remember was my sense of embarrassment and general disgust, where the only image I can remember were two grown men in some sort of wedding dress pushing around prams. I don’t know why I felt ’embarrassed’ at that age, but looking back it must have been because I was really ashamed to have the same-sex attraction as those men. What gets to me is that such people, such public displays are taken to be a representation of all gay men, and that only adds to the negative mentality. There are plenty of other examples but I’ll be here all night if I go on.
I mentioned in an earlier post how I had a friend, whom I have known since primary school, and a year after I told him about my sexuality, he also ‘comes out’ yet what I didn’t understand was why he suddenly became so involved in the whole “gay community/scene/thing”, going from night club to night club, ‘boyfriend’ to ‘boyfriend’ and drama to drama. He told me that it’s what you do when you ‘come out’, or something like that, and I figured that there must be this expectation, or ‘right of passage’, when one declares their sexuality openly, and that means you involve yourself in the dirty, immoral, superficial world that is the ‘gay world’. During the day you’re expected to be a left-leaning ideologue who shouts out the same bromides propagated in university class rooms, newspapers and the general media; anything remotely opposed to this belief system is glared at with preying eyes, silenced as soon as possible, and then you go back to demanding your ‘rights’ and ‘freedom’. During the night you openly reveal your body (and whatever is left of your soul), allow any stranger to use you for their momentary fulfilment, maybe even try some drugs to enhance or numb the experience, then justify it all by saying that you’re ‘having fun’.
Finally I want to include a funny article from The Onion, which is very close to the truth of this whole rant. When I first read it, I had to double-check that it was The Onion and not an actual news site.