Last night I caught up with an old friend and a conversation we were having made me wonder whether there’s something wrong with me or everyone else. I’ve known this guy for some 13 years now, we’ve been good friends since primary school and all through out high school. Some 3-4 years ago I tell him about my sexuality simply because I wanted to be honest with him and a year later he ends up coming ‘out’ to me, which surprised me since I never expected him to be gay. Anyhow shortly after that I realise that we were sorting of growing a part and I knew that the reason was because of our differing views on certain matters (which became obvious as we were growing up), plus he was becoming more involved in the whole “gay scene” and it just wasn’t my thing. He was still the same person that I knew, just that after he came out to me, he ended up engaging in a lot of gay-related activities that I considered to be immoral and immature, the type of things that I looked down on that the “gay community” encouraged.
Anyway the whole point of this post was that last night, we were talking about some guy that I met online and I was telling my friend how I didn’t see myself getting along with this guy. My friend then started asking me questions such as “What would you do if you were out on a date with him and he tried to kiss you? Hold your hand? etc” and my line of responses were “I’d decline his advancements and tell him that I have no intention of engaging in such physical contact.” My friend expected the responses yet was still a bit surprised because he doesn’t understand why I think the way I do about these things. After that he said to me “But you can’t do that, if it’s your first date with him, you can’t just push him away, nobody who’s gay thinks like that” and it got me thinking: that’s right, nobody does think like that, at least generally speaking.
I’ve never liked the word ‘date’, or what it usually meant by the term “going on a date” since it’s also assumed that you’ll end up engaging in some sort of sexual contact with the other preson, even if it’s your first ‘date’. It’s assumed that you’re trying to begin some sort of relationship but without any friendship groundwork in place. And I’ve always questioned this, I’ve always wondered why people go on a few ‘dates’ then decide that they’re in a relationship. Why not start things off as friends? Why is it that if you meet up with some guy, it automatically means that you’re on a ‘date’ with them? Why can’t it mean that you’re really just hanging out as friends? I could never imagine myself meeting someone for the first or second time, as a ‘date’, and allowing what would be a near stranger, to engage in some form of physical contact with me.
After my friend said “nobody who’s gay thinks like that”, I had a very brief thought where I doubted my views/morals, and I wondered whether I might be approaching it all in the wrong way? But I quickly ‘slapped’ myself back into reality and reminded myself that that simply isn’t true, that just because the majority see it that way, then there must be something wrong with me because I don’t. The fact that the majority of gay men do think like that is a sad indication of the times that we live in, of the lack of a proper culture, morals and values. It’s become accepted and seen as some ‘universal truth’ that it’s ok to expose your body, your soul, to a complete stranger, to someone whom you don’t even know nothing about, and even if you did, it’s always some superficial view of them.
This goes back to my post on Loneliness and last night was another reminder of how different, and therefore lonely I really am. I’m glad that I hold such views, that I do have a moral code, a value system, a life philosophy to go by. And I know that there isn’t anything ‘wrong’ with me, because I have plenty of examples around me, of what it means to lead such a life of spontaneity, of basing a relationship on two or three ‘dates’, or even a random encounter, of doing what everyone else does, thinking like them, and the end result is never in their favour.